Tweaking the Zen Habits Approach

If you’ve read my previous post, you know I’m applying the Zen Habits approach to my morning routine. As a quick recap, my morning routine didn’t exist and I wanted to change that. The hardest part of my routine was starting it since I already knew what I needed to do during my routine. So, with my Zen Habits book by Leo Babauta in hand, I begun the very slow process of building up to the morning routine I wanted to implement. The baby step I was working on was to be on my feet by 5am.

Since my last post, I’ve only failed to be on my feet by 5am once, meaning I had to pay my friend $80 per our accountability terms. That sucked, and has so far been enough to keep me going strong. Though I noticed something that happened halfway through my first week of doing this teeny tiny first step – the follow-through on the rest of my routine wasn’t guaranteed. At all. In fact, it crumbled the more I kept at it.

Some days were great – I’d be on my feet downstairs by 5am and after sending the accountability selfie (totally a thing) to my friend, I’d immediately feed my cats and then myself since I was already downstairs. But a growing number of days lately has had me rushing back upstairs to hide in bed, sometimes not leaving myself enough time to eat or even shower before having to leave for work. Definitely not the point of starting my day at 5am with this small step.

Even though I’ve been doing good at this small step, it’s not bringing me much satisfaction if it’s harming other aspects of my life/routine. I’m trying to build a solid foundation but I feel like I’m cheating by doing it then forgettingĀ why I’m doing it in the first place.

Right now I’ve worked up through chapter 23 inĀ Zen Habits and I feel one of my issues is that I’m forgetting what I’ve already done in the previous day’s mission/exercise. I also read ahead at one point, which threw me off. So in lieu of a traditional Habit Sprint, I thought I’d take the time to do over the missions from the past 10 days (11 including today’s) that I haven’t been keeping in mind. Here they are: Continue reading

I’ll be back soon, don’t worry

Cropped Wig

I bought a blue wig for Halloween (I’m going as my Pokemon Go avatar….don’t judge), and I’m pretty sure I’ve found my alternate persona.

Now that I’ve got your attention…an update on the things that have been going on in my life!

I’ve been super busy lately, but mostly just dealing with the chaos in my own mind. Depression and anxiety are beasts for sure, and mine ebb and flow at the worst possible moments. Right now I’m coming down from a big explosion of both twirling like tornadoes at once. I tried getting parts of my brain zapped by an electromagnet (doesn’t hurt, don’t worry) through a therapy called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for 12 weeks and was starting to see improvements during the last week, but the doctors didn’t submit a request to continue treatment! So, I acted like a child and didn’t go to my last three sessions because if they didn’t believe in helping me, I didn’t want their help. I know, I know, super mature. My psychiatrist also changed my meds based on emotional outbursts I was having, but I was having them after my TMS approach was changed and they went away after the approach was changed again (in the last week of treatment), before I had my meds changed. So now I’m a bit worried that they got changed to treat something I’m not even dealing with.

Continue reading