I bought a blue wig for Halloween (I’m going as my Pokemon Go avatar….don’t judge), and I’m pretty sure I’ve found my alternate persona.
Now that I’ve got your attention…an update on the things that have been going on in my life!
I’ve been super busy lately, but mostly just dealing with the chaos in my own mind. Depression and anxiety are beasts for sure, and mine ebb and flow at the worst possible moments. Right now I’m coming down from a big explosion of both twirling like tornadoes at once. I tried getting parts of my brain zapped by an electromagnet (doesn’t hurt, don’t worry) through a therapy called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for 12 weeks and was starting to see improvements during the last week, but the doctors didn’t submit a request to continue treatment! So, I acted like a child and didn’t go to my last three sessions because if they didn’t believe in helping me, I didn’t want their help. I know, I know, super mature. My psychiatrist also changed my meds based on emotional outbursts I was having, but I was having them after my TMS approach was changed and they went away after the approach was changed again (in the last week of treatment), before I had my meds changed. So now I’m a bit worried that they got changed to treat something I’m not even dealing with.
Why am I venting to you all (if there’s anyone reading this) about this here? Well, exciting things are going to be happening in my life dealing with self-improvement, and I plan on updating this blog with my adventures along the way (I’ve said that forever, I know). I’m getting a brand spanking new daily planner from PlumPaperDesigns, an adorable and affordable planner that you can customize in their Etsy store, that will last from September 2016 until the end of December 2017. I got a different layout for the pages than my last planner from them (2015) and it’s similar to the layout in The Happy Planner by Create 365 over at Michael’s, but without the super peppy inserts. That’s handy since I bought a bunch of clear stamps, stickers, and other things to make my planner pretty and get my creative juices flowing in my brain again (depression and anxiety zap those out of me first, which is depressing in itself).
Anyway, I’m hoping this planner will be a good first step in getting my time management skills back to a state where I don’t feel so chaotic all of the time. A lot of the chaos is controllable and I know how to control it…there’s just this disconnect going on where my mind is all like, “Yeah, nope!” and then it doesn’t happen. I’ve tried other planners, lists, etc, but I’m hoping the more customized version and more playful artsy approach I’m taking will make me more inclined to stick to my schedule. Besides, I’ve always hated scribbling out things in my planner because I’ve decided to not do what I wrote down, imagine how annoyed I’ll be if I have to scribble out things I’ve stamped down in my planner and color coded with stickers that aren’t going to lift back off the page to be rearranged.
So, that’s what’s been happening with me. Oh, and I had a roommate for the month of August. He’s moving out in a week which means I get to move the mountains of stuff I accumulated in that room (which isn’t a whole heck of a lot, mostly just art supplies and paper files) back and I’ve made the vow to not put anything back in there until it has a proper home/place to live. I plan on tossing a bunch of stuff or donating, depending on the condition. I’m also towards the end of what I like to call my annual self-destruct mode which happens to occur towards the end of the summer (mid-August until mid-September) after an ex of mine broke up with me and I’m still not over it even though it’s been two years (yes, I know how lame that sounds. I’m working on it). As a result, I spent a lot of money I shouldn’t have but now I have some cool things that actually have made me excited! Such as a woodburning tool kit to make crafty things out of wood, 36 small tubes of paint in a bunch of different colors since I don’t paint that much but would like more variety in colors I use, some small canvas panels so I can paint on them, my aforementioned planner, some jewelry and pins from Etsy, a new pot and pan set to replace the ones I bought at Target in 2010, a set of three water brush thingies for watercolors that I’d like to experiment with, and more I’m forgetting. I also put larger than usual chunks of money towards credit card and student loan debt, so my financial self-destruction wasn’t purely superficial (or at least that’s what I’m saying in order to try to make myself feel better). I should mention none of these links are affiliate links because I don’t know how those work and I just wanted to link you to what I bought.
Well, now I’m running late for work and need to hop into the shower. I haven’t even touched upon my weight gain journey (after an accidental weight loss thanks to a med change this past winter) and more…but I guess that’s a good thing since I’ll save it for the posts that I swear I’ll write! I’m also working on starting my own online and over the phone sobriety coaching services, without the construct of Coach.me. I’ll post my site when it’s ready for public consumption, but I do like the logo I’ve created, so I’ll share that much with you:
Time to hop into the shower, I promise to stop ignoring this blog! I was going to start another one about my mental health trials and tribulations, but with my coaching services set to launch by October (a grandiose date I set for myself), I’m just going to focus on Little Bit by Little Bit and Coached by Taylor for now :).